Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
