just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Houston, we have a blender
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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