My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
