So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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