Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

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(612): im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me http://tfl.nu/erth

Replies (72) Good night (980) Bad night (2366)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.

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(508): my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter. http://tfl.nu/lkrq

Replies (14) Good night (535) Bad night (3169)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

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(610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36

Replies (31) Good night (9831) Bad night (848)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

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(201): I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork. http://tfl.nu/8epk

Replies (16) Good night (1112) Bad night (5162)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.

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(413): i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool. http://tfl.nu/ncnm

Replies (17) Good night (860) Bad night (4034)
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(231): View more from Michigan

Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"

(231): View more from Michigan

OMG its one we used last night

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(231): Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing" (231): OMG its one we used last night http://tfl.nu/jpyf

Replies (19) Good night (1069) Bad night (9184)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

this is something i pride myself on being below average for

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(920): this is something i pride myself on being below average for http://tfl.nu/tsy8

Replies (7) Good night (2487) Bad night (1233)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

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(412): Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid! http://tfl.nu/xi6r

Replies (51) Good night (1398) Bad night (10481)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.

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(732): I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked. http://tfl.nu/sxfw

Replies (15) Good night (6022) Bad night (1922)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.

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(501): You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was. http://tfl.nu/yz4l

Replies (4) Good night (1838) Bad night (727)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.

(919): View more from North Carolina

All she wanted was a cigarette

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(919): She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop. (919): All she wanted was a cigarette http://tfl.nu/ei15

Replies (1) Good night (1676) Bad night (605)
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(806): View more from Texas

He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.

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(806): He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead. http://tfl.nu/inpn

Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (588)
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(937): View more from Ohio

I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.

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(937): I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe. http://tfl.nu/np5r

Replies (10) Good night (1479) Bad night (328)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.

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(404): Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now. http://tfl.nu/qdkd

Replies (19) Good night (1092) Bad night (483)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.

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(218): I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again. http://tfl.nu/g6kg

Replies (2) Good night (250) Bad night (441)

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