It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.