i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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