sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
high people should be assigned attendants
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?