best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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