what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.