Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.