Betty ford says i'm here all night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.