isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?