i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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