We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
