Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
