She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
