I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
