I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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