Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
