I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Randomize
