Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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