the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
