Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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