I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
