I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
