I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
