She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
