3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
