dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
