Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
