I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize