If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
