You work out of a Hotel?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
