im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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