How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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