when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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