oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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