my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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