I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize