so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
