I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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