so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
