Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
