I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
