hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
