Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
