I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
