I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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