Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
