Need sex. Gaining weight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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