i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
