if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
