it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
