You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
