Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
