Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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