another moral hangover. fuck.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
