my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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