remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
