Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
