There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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