my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
