I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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