I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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