I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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