Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
