she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
