I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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