I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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