I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
