based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
