So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
