he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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