She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
