Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
