She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
