So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
