let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
