Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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