She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
