I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
