You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
