you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
