I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
