the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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